Prayer and Attention

I
  don't
    know
      exactly
        what
           a
             prayer
                is.


I do know how to pay attention.

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#Truth

you are coming home/to yourself

be easy.
take your time.
you are coming
home
to yourself.
--the becoming | wing


nayyirah waheed

To Be Brave

“We have to do something braver than just try to save the world we have known, we must accept the fact that the world we have known is going to change in hideous and damaging ways.”

― Bill McKibben

Do not try to save/the whole world

Clearing
by Martha Postlewaite

Do not try to save
the whole world
or do anything grandiose.
Instead, create
a clearing
in the dense forest
of your life
and wait there
patiently,
until the song
that is your life
falls into your own cupped hands
and you recognize and greet it.
Only then will you know
how to give yourself
to this world
so worth of rescue.

Interviewing My 7-Year-Old Niece

 Mackenzie:

"If the planet gets sick, we get sick.... If the planet dies, we die. The trees help us breathe."

"Animals being hurt makes me sad. Because they are special and part of this world."

You Finally Knew What You Had to Do

The Journey
Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.

You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.

But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.

To Nourish Your Soul

“When your life is filled with the desire to see the holiness in everyday life, something magical happens: ordinary life becomes extraordinary, and the very process of life begins to nourish your soul!”

Rabbi Harold Kushner

If Anne Can Do It

“Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy.”

Anne Frank

knowing there is a chance/our hearts may have only just skinned their knees

Andrea Gibson: "The Madness Vase/The Nutritionist"

(Best part of the poem)

So the next time I tell you how easily I come out of my skin
don't try to put me back in.
Just say, "Here we are" together at the window
aching for it to all get better
but knowing there is a chance
our hearts may have only just skinned their knees,
knowing there is a chance the worst day might still be coming

let me say right now for the record,
I'm still gonna be here
asking this world to dance,
even if it keeps stepping on my holy feet.

You, you stay here with me, okay?

You stay here with me

For a time....(I) am free.

The Peace of Wild Things

BY WENDELL BERRY

When despair for the world grows in me

and I wake in the night at the least sound

in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,

I go and lie down where the wood drake

rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.

I come into the peace of wild things

who do not tax their lives with forethought

of grief. I come into the presence of still water.

And I feel above me the day-blind stars

waiting with their light. For a time

I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

Wendell Berry, "The Peace of Wild Things" from The Selected Poems of Wendell Berry. Copyright © 1998. Published and reprinted by arrangement with Counterpoint Press.

Source: Collected Poems 1957-1982 (Counterpoint Press, 1985)

What does it mean that the earth is so beautiful?

(from) "Flow", Mary Oliver, Long Life


"...on this day as on so many others, a little song runs through my mind. I say a song because it passes musically, but it is really just words, a thought that is neither strange nor complex. In fact, how strange it would be not to think it -- not to have such music inside one's head and body, on such an afternoon. What does it mean, say the words, that the earth is so beautiful? And what shall I do about it? What is the gift that I should bring to the world? What is the life that I should live?"

Reconstituting the World

Adrienne Rich

My heart is moved by all I cannot save:
So much has been destroyed
I have cast my lot with those
who, age after age, perversely,
with no extraordinary power,
reconstitute the world.

How can it ever be boring, at all?

Wise words courtesy of Steve Roggenbuck:

"We are animals on a rock in space. Sometimes we forgot that, because we have jobs, school, political systems, debt, law, clothes, television stations."

"Sometimes, I wanna shake people and say, 'Are you paying attention to what is going on? It's raining. Water is falling from the sky.'"

"And I mean we have the sunrise. And I mean, we have the pink light on the bottom of the clouds during a sunrise. And there used to be dinosaurs, on our planet. Probably in the place you are now."

"I like being around people who are dancing, because it seems like the closest that people usually come to directly celebrating the fact that they're alive."

"What I really want, is that moment when somebody brings it up. When somebody refuses to let pointless filler and formalities use up our time with each other. I just want somebody to say 'Hey, right now is our life. And I'm grateful that this is the one I get. I'm grateful that you are in it. I'm grateful that we get this moment together.' I just want to say that, and sometimes I'm too nervous to say it."

"..These are the moments when I know I'm fully alive. When I'm looking for it, I can find those moments all the time."

"And even when it means being fully sad, crying alone in my apartment after leaving my girlfriend of 6 years. Crying alone on a train after touring for 9 months."

"...I just stop and try not to think anything and just be in the place that I am."

"I don't want be in haze. I don't want to coast through any of it. I don't want to regret later that I didn't pay attention now. I don't want to sit through it like I'm waiting for something better."

"Sometimes, you can forget about the moon but then one day when you're walking out of a building, there it is in the sky.... and it kind of reminds you that you are on a rock in space, too."

"This is our family photo album. We are animals on a rock in space. We are part of this gigantic, confusing, brutal and awe-inspiring world. And it’s not boring to be here. And how can it ever be boring at all."

Thoughts on Decision-Making and My Current Situation.

I'm making decisions about really important things. I'm pressed for time, and these decisions will impact and shape my future. They require foresight. I must admit, decision-making has never been a strength of mine due to my inability to envision the future. I'm working on it though.... I'm working on it.

I've decided that I'm moving back to the OBX for a month (mid May to mid June) to help the reservations department. Not only will this help me out financially, but it's a place where I find a lot of solace and peace. The ocean, the dolphins, the sunshine, paddling in a kayak, and surrounding myself with a lot of people who I love will set the stage for an awesome summer. It'll help build my confidence again and it will remind me of my ability to make friends in foreign places.


I'm deciding which school to attend for the next two years.

Option 1) Duke University. Professional Masters Degree/Environmental Management. Ivy league/private university. They have a phenomenal program... top in the nation, I'm told. However, cost of attendance/living exceeds $40,000/year and they are only offering me $13,000 (tuition NOT included in stipend).
The classes they offer and the program in general seems like a phenomenal opportunity and I'm excited about them. I'd also be able to take a semester of courses on an island in southern NC. They also have a wonderful "career services" department that works really hard to place each and every graduate right into a job.
Another perk, the university is only like 3.5 hours from the OBX, so I could continue to visit there often (for breaks and long weekends). Not to mention, it'd only be like 12 hours from mid-Michigan.

Option 2) University of Utah. Master's Degree/Environmental Humanities. Public university/top tier research school. They've awarded me a fellowship that would cover tuition, most of my health insurance plan, as well as a stipend for living. They haven't decided what that fellowship  means.... RA/TA but either way.... free graduate school!
The program has two specializations: writing and conservation (both interest me). The classes are super interesting, and seem to focus largely on how and why we view the environment how we do. I'd be able to explore place, culture, and the development of our collective environmental stance(s). Also, Terry Tempest Williams (TTW), naturalist/writer, works for the department and would be accessible as a resource.
I haven't spent much time in the American West, though. I have no connections out there, and it scares me to be like 25 hours away. There isn't enough time to fly to Utah and explore campus and the program before having to make a decision, so I'm going into this blind.
I'm intrigued by the landscapes of the area. I would be able to explore The Great Salt Lake, deserts, and national parks. I've been reading Refuge by TTW, and her perspectives on the landscapes of Utah comfort me. I moved to Louisiana and didn't know the area or anyone down there..... I can do it again.

As one of my mentors mentioned today, "Either decision requires a leap of faith."
A Leap of Faith.
Every decision that involves an element of the unknown requires some sort of faith that things will work out in one's favor. Aimee explained faith as "trust in the unknown." It's a solid description of the intangible. Terrifying, though. I'm trying to have faith in me, my potential, and my future. I'm trying to set goals and work toward them (allowing myself to alter the path as my perspectives change).

One day at a time.

Ohhhh, Life. It's waiting for you.

"Life"

Our Lady Peace

How many times have you been pushed around?
Was anybody there?
Does anybody care?
How many time have your friends let you down?
Was anybody there?
Did anybody stare?

How many time have your friends let you down?
Just open up your heart
Just open up your mind
How many times has your faith slipped away?
Well, is anybody safe?
Does anybody pray?

Oh, Life is waiting for you
So messed up, but we're alive
Oh, Life is waiting for you
So messed up, but we'll survive

How many days have you just slept away?
Is everybody high?
Is everyone afraid?
How many times have you wished you were strong?
Have they ever seen your heart?
Have they ever seen your pain?

Oh, Life is waiting for you
So messed up, but we're alive
Oh, Life is waiting for you
So messed up, but we'll survive

She gets high
She gets lost
She gets drowned by the cost
Twice a day, every week, all her life

She gets high
She gets lost
She gets drowned by the cost
Twice a day, every week, all her life

Oh, Life is waiting for you
So messed up, but we're alive
Oh, Life is waiting for you
So messed up, but we'll survive
All messed up, but we'll survive

Searching.

I feel like I'm always searching for something deeper. Something that means more than my everyday life. And while I have yet to find anything that fills the void, sometimes, I stumbleupon something that makes me think about my position in the world.
I came across a website today that listed a "code of conduct." It's certainly interesting and worth a second to read through.
Here are the rules they posted:

A few rules.

1.Never stop thinking. This is important. If someone ever says to you ‘You need to stop thinking so much,’ call them ignorant in your head and keep thinking deeper. It is this mentality that breeds stupidity and sheeple. Your mind is the most important tool you have, if you stop using it, it will atrophy. Question everything.
2. Stare into space blankly and don’t mentally punish yourself for doing it, even if it is for that split second. If you have a problem with staring blankly, think of it as daydreaming.

3. Root Beer sucks after having spicy food.

4. Everything is going to be just fine. If you worry about acne, you’re going to get a fucking pimple.

5. Don’t be afraid to talk about anything. You shouldn’t be afraid of reality.

6. Everyone is a hypocrite.

7. You are all original. Every life experience is case sensitive and unique. Every time you wake up or go to the bathroom or quote someone else, you are becoming more you than anyone has ever been.

8. Do pointless things. Don’t actively restrain or hide yourself from the redundant.

9. Stop rushing. Shut up and embrace the sound of silence.

10. Religion shouldn’t be taught, it should be found. No one should tell you what to believe except you. And while were on the subject…

11. Don’t be restrained by one religion. People change every moment of everyday. Minds grow and evolve. Religion has no law so feel free to mix and match. Make your own.

12. Going to the bathroom is not a right nor a privilege. it’s an act of nature.

13. Talking to yourself is healthy. Is there anyone that you have more in common with?

14. There is no such thing as time. The sun never sets or rises. Days and years don’t exist. There is only your life. Earlier today you were born and death is predicted later in the evening.

15. We will always be in a transitional phase. Look outside and know that everything will be replaced at some point. This existence is temporary.

16. Its not half empty or half full. Its half a glass.

17. Every now and then take something that you see everyday and try to see it in a different light. Renew its existence.

18. Be happy, but don’t force it.

19. You will always succeed in trying.

20. We are all crazy. Every person you read about in the history books had some kind of ‘disorder’, they just knew how to use it.

21. We are all about as similar as we are different.

22. Ideas are just as valuable as people. Why do you think we keep making people?

87. Numbers don’t have to go in order.

24. Words will always be just words. Love is just another four letter word, only the feeling is real.

25. Ask a child for advice. They may not know much, but they know what is important.

26. Prove you’re alive. Do anything from dancing in the supermarket to screaming ‘Fuck’ during a moment of silence. Remind the world you are still here.


27. Don’t take anything, even this, too seriously.

Religion

“Religion is the human response to being alive and having to die.”

Forrest Church

The Miniature Earth Project

This video is only 3 minutes and 15 seconds.
It helps put our planet into perspective.

http://www.miniature-earth.com/