Thursday, January 5, 2012

Where I am Now.

I haven't blogged in a long time because I didn't like where this blog was going. I wanted to put more depth into it, but found myself too busy to do so. And still, I'm not sure if I can do exactly what I want to do with it, but I figured I'd update it and see where it goes.

I'm struggling with where I want to go in my life and what I want to do. Since I was young, I've been passionate about the natural world and biology.  I figured the sociology program at MSU would be a wonderful opportunity to integrate my knowledge of natural sciences with social sciences. It turns out that I'd have to nearly abandon my natural science knowledge because the program is so rigid with sociology coursework. There's little room for anything else. It should also be mentioned that I'm not funded and earning funding doesn't look promising, either.

So, now I'm trying to figure out what the next step should be. Another Program? Work? I've always envisioned completing a PhD program. But since coming to MSU, I've reflected a lot on my motivation to pursue such a degree. It's distorted thinking to believe that I'm not a valuable member of society unless I have a PhD. And, it's also false to think that I NEED one. It's odd to carry such pressure along with me all these years.
I'm confident that I want a Master's degree, but no longer confident in my ability to commit to a PhD. I'm applying to a few programs around the country, which will mean I'll have to move again. However, if it's only a Masters, I'll only be gone a few years instead of 5-6. There's a program in "Environmental Humanities" at the University of Utah that looks promising for what I could see myself doing. I'm submitting my application this month. I'd also like to apply to an "Environmental Management" program at Duke University, to open up more options.

I'm constantly trying to seek out what the truth is but realizing that it's always more complex than I thought it to be. Understanding truth is a constant process of re-evaluation; re-evaluating myself and the information that I come across. But, I hope to keep this up as I continue moving forward.